DadLane
StartKit. Hard-day kit

Mile 01 · Paved

01

Next exit · 02 Birth

Pregnancy

Show up for the pregnancy without disappearing or performing.

Start here if this is your mile. Work the stretch you are in. The pregnant person’s clinician handles the medicine. You handle the calendar, the logistics, and a steady presence.

Walk this mile

Do these in order.

The news, the middle, or the last stretch. Then the night sheet.

  1. 01Three things tonightThe short list for this week. Share it with the other adult.
  2. 02The stretch you are inThe news, the middle, or the last stretch. Do the moves in that block.
  3. 03Fill the night sheetWho is awake, the after-hours number, and what you will not guess at 2 a.m.
  4. 04Open the resources for this mileCar seat, the night sheet, leave, the visit list. Each card has a next step.
  5. 05Watch the car seat videoNHTSA, rear-facing, two minutes. Then both manuals.
  6. 06Next mile: BirthWhen the night sheet is filled, open mile 02. Not before.

Resources

Resources for pregnancy.

Official pages and DadLane sheets for this mile. Open a card, then do one next step.

22 in this view

All matching resources

Start here

If you only do three things this mile

  1. 01

    Put the next appointment on the calendar the day you hear the time. Then go.

  2. 02

    Ask what help looks like this week. Do that one thing before you offer a second.

  3. 03

    On a calm day, write the night sheet: who is awake, and the after-hours number.

If a partner is carrying this, or you are: you are not the only adult on the mile. Ask what help looks like, then do that.

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Shared mission

This week's three things

Text these, or print the card. The other adult gets the same list. Not a solo performance.

  1. 01Put the next appointment on the calendar the day you hear the time. Then go.
  2. 02Ask what help looks like this week. Do that one thing before you offer a second.
  3. 03On a calm day, write the night sheet: who is awake, and the after-hours number.
Who else has this list
Name, and how you sent it.
Day we check it
A day this week. Not someday.
Done looks like
One sentence you can both see.

Handoff card

Send the night. Do not send a speech.

Screenshot this and send it. The other adult gets the same card. Fill the blank before you send it.

Partner lane

Mile 01 · Pregnancy

To: The other adult

  • TonightI take the ride to the appointment. You do not also have to manage my mood.
  • FoodDinner is in the house before I leave for work. Name the meal.
  • UpdateOne person gets the text. Everyone else waits until we are home.
  • Do notHand you a second job, or narrate the visit while you are still in it.

Who gets the update

Write the name

Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

I wish someone told me

The scared part has its own person.

Books say be supportive. They skip where the fear goes, and who gets the leave answer in writing.

Ten minutes: baby is coming

  1. Tell one person who is not pregnant: I am scared. Then go back to the calendar.The person carrying this should not have to manage you and the appointment.
  2. This week, ask what leave you can take. Get the answer in writing, with dates.A verbal we will figure it out disappears the week the baby comes.
  3. Drive the route and pack the bag on a calm week. Name what is in the bag.The night itself is a bad time to learn the exit and the toothbrush.

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Week at a glance

Mile 01. This week.

Pregnancy. Three things, the note for the other adult, and one skill. Screenshot it or print it. Then stop adding jobs.

  1. 01 · This weekPut the next appointment on the calendar the day you hear the time. Then go.
  2. 02 · This weekAsk what help looks like this week. Do that one thing before you offer a second.
  3. 03 · This weekOn a calm day, write the night sheet: who is awake, and the after-hours number.

Partner note

If a partner is carrying this, or you are: you are not the only adult on the mile. Ask what help looks like, then do that.

What they asked for this week

One basics skill

Car seat

The right seat, installed so it does not move.

Open the car seat card

Three stretches

Three stretches. Work the one you are in.

Each move is something you do. The line under it is why. Skip the performance. This is not a score, and it is not medical advice.

01

Early

The news

Get the next visit on your calendar today.

  1. Put the next appointment on your calendar the day you hear the news. Go.The visit is the work. A text that says you are proud is not the visit.
  2. Ask what help looks like this week. Do that thing, then ask again next week.Help that you invent is often another task for them to manage.
  3. Learn the words they and the clinician are using.You cannot be useful in the room if you are translating from scratch.
  4. Name one person you can call when you are scared.They should not be the only place the fear goes.

02

The ordinary months

The middle

Write the leave answer, drive the route, and pack the bag.

  1. Ask your employer what leave you can take. Get the answer in writing.A verbal “we’ll figure it out” disappears the week the baby comes.
  2. Sketch the due window: housing, leave pay, and the bills that do not pause.A sketch is a list of numbers you still have to confirm. It is not a financial plan.
  3. Ask the hospital or birth center what they expect of a support person.Their rules are the rules. Guessing them at 2 a.m. is a bad plan.
  4. Drive the route once. Pack the bag on a calm week.The night itself is a bad time to learn the exit and the toothbrush.

03

Before the exit

The last stretch

Write the call order and one backup route.

  1. Write down who is called, in what order, when labor starts.Order beats a group text that wakes the wrong people.
  2. Know the route and one backup route.One closed road should not be the thing that decides the night.
  3. If something feels off (for them or for you), say it and bring in a professional.You notice. You do not diagnose.
  4. If the mile gets heavy, open the Hard-day kit, then come back here.Pulling over is part of driving. Disappearing is not.

In the room

Ask. Do not answer.

These are questions for their clinician. DadLane does not know the answers, and it will not invent them.

  1. 01What should we watch for between now and the next visit, and who do we call after hours?
  2. 02If we need to go in tonight, where do we go, and which entrance?
  3. 03Which visits matter most for me to be in the room?
  4. 04What can I take off their plate at home this week?

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Night sheet

Fill this in before you need it.

Write it down on a calm day. A blank line is a job you have not done yet.

  1. 01Birth placeThe front door and the labor door are not the same door at 2 a.m.Name, and which entrance
  2. 02After-hours numberWrite it here. A site you have to search is not a number.The number they gave you
  3. 03First callOne person, in order. A group text wakes the wrong people.Name and number
  4. 04RouteMinutes, and the exit. You drove it on a calm day.The one you already drove
  5. 05Backup routeOne closed road should not decide the night.If the first road is closed
  6. 06Your personSomeone who is not the pregnant person. The fear needs a place to go.Name and number

Leave and money

Get the answer in writing.

  1. 01What leave can I take, paid and unpaid, and what dates does it cover?
  2. 02What has to be in writing, and by when?
  3. 03What happens to pay and benefits during those weeks?

The U.S. Department of Labor describes the Family and Medical Leave Act at dol.gov/fmla (opens in a new tab). Whether it covers your job is not something DadLane decides. State rules differ. Ask your employer, and if you need a ruling, ask someone whose job that is.

For patient information, start with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (opens in a new tab). Skip the comment sections.

What to say

Short lines. Then stop talking.

Use them when your own sentence is about to get long. They are not medical, legal, or financial advice, and not a script for a clinician to follow.

Pregnancy through the first year

To your partner

When you want to help and you are about to invent a job

  1. “What would help tonight? I'll do that.”
  2. “I'm scared. I'll tell my own person.”
  3. “You sleep. I've got the next block.”

Any mile with a clinician

To a nurse or clinician

When the hallway explanation is already leaving your head

  1. “Say that once more. I'm writing it down.”
  2. “What's the after-hours number, and what do we watch for?”
  3. “What do I do at home, and what needs a call first?”

Any mile with a job

To your boss

When you need leave, a changed shift, or a quiet hour after a rough night

  1. “I need leave from [date] to [date]. What can I take, in writing?”
  2. “I need the shift changed on [day]. I can cover [other day].”
  3. “I had a rough night. I need a quiet hour at the start, then I am on the job.”

All the lines

After you blow it

One sentence. Then the next ordinary job.

Say it once. Do not add the speech. If someone might get hurt, skip this card and call 988 or emergency services.

In the room

  1. “I got sharp. I'm stepping out for two minutes.”
  2. “I'll come back quieter. You do not have to host me.”

To the other adult

  1. “That was mine. I'm back.”
  2. “What would help in the next hour?”
  3. “I will not keep score of who is more tired.”

The house

The mile sits inside a house.

Rules for this age, the week card, the fridge, the wallet, the firsts, and the helpers. Same work for both adults.

Basics

Skills that show up on this mile.

Lanes that meet this mile

Change lanes. Stay in fatherhood.

Next mile

02 · Birth

Birth day, the hospital, and the first 72 hours. Orientation, not a medical manual.

Birth is open. Finish the night sheet before you need that mile.

See mile 02

Best videos

A video for this mile.

One verified video. Watch it, then go back to the night sheet or the car seat card.

Rear-facing seat with a seat belt

NHTSA shows the belt path, the lock, and the inch test for a rear-facing infant seat. Read your seat manual and the car manual. This video is the picture, not a certification.

USDOTNHTSA · 2:02

Watch on YouTube (opens in a new tab)

All best videos

Further reading · optional

Books for this mile.

After the mile. The guide stays free. These titles are reading. They are not instructions from DadLane, and they are not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Free

Further reading. Not medical, legal, or financial advice. A book or an article does not replace a clinician, a lawyer, or the official rule. Full reading list