DadLane
StartKit. Hard-day kit

Mile 02 · Open

02

Next exit · 03 First year

Birth

Birth day, the hospital, and the first 72 hours. Orientation, not a medical manual.

The clinicians run the medicine. You run the bag, the names, the food, and the quiet. Work the stretch you are in.

Walk this mile

Do these in order.

One step, then the next link. You do not have to finish the whole mile tonight.

  1. 01Three things tonightThe short list. Then stop adding jobs.
  2. 02The stretch you are inFind the block that matches this month. Do the moves. Read the why under each one.
  3. 03Fill the DadLane sheetFill this in before you are tired.
  4. 04Open the resources for this mileOfficial pages and DadLane sheets. Each card has a next step.
  5. 05Watch one videoThe video linked for this mile. Then come back to the sheet.
  6. 06Next mile: First yearWhen this mile is in motion, open the next one. Not before.

Resources

Resources for birth.

Official pages and DadLane sheets for this mile. Open a card, then do one next step.

28 in this view

All matching resources

Start here

If you only do three things this mile

  1. 01

    Walk the entrance once. Write what a support person is allowed to do.

  2. 02

    Before you leave the room, copy the clinician's answers in their words.

  3. 03

    Fill the discharge sheet: first visit, after-hours number, and who has the first night.

Two adults, one room. The person in the bed does not host. The other adult runs the door, the food, and the update.

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Shared mission

This week's three things

Text these, or print the card. The other adult gets the same list. Not a solo performance.

  1. 01Walk the entrance once. Write what a support person is allowed to do.
  2. 02Before you leave the room, copy the clinician's answers in their words.
  3. 03Fill the discharge sheet: first visit, after-hours number, and who has the first night.
Who else has this list
Name, and how you sent it.
Day we check it
A day this week. Not someday.
Done looks like
One sentence you can both see.

Handoff card

The person in the bed does not host.

Screenshot this and send it. The other adult gets the same card. Fill the blank before you send it.

Partner lane

Mile 02 · Birth

To: The other adult

  • DoorI run the door, the water, and the names. You rest.
  • FoodSomething is in the house before we leave. I will not ask you to order it.
  • UpdateOne name gets the message. You do not text the family from the bed.
  • MedicineI copy the clinician's words. I do not rewrite them.

First night

Whose block, until when

Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

I wish someone told me

They hand you the baby and leave.

The pamphlets cover the room. They skip the first night, the group text, and the parking lot.

Birth visit prep

  1. Before the shift change, write which adult is awake for the first night, and until what hour.The handoff happens when everyone is tired. The name has to already be on the card.
  2. You send one text to the family. The person in the bed does not run a group chat.Updates are a job. Hosting visitors is a second job they did not ask for.
  3. Read the car-seat labels in the room. Book a check if the belt path is still a guess.The parking lot, with a newborn, is the wrong classroom.

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Week at a glance

Mile 02. This week.

Birth. Three things, the note for the other adult, and one skill. Screenshot it or print it. Then stop adding jobs.

  1. 01 · This weekWalk the entrance once. Write what a support person is allowed to do.
  2. 02 · This weekBefore you leave the room, copy the clinician's answers in their words.
  3. 03 · This weekFill the discharge sheet: first visit, after-hours number, and who has the first night.

Partner note

Two adults, one room. The person in the bed does not host. The other adult runs the door, the food, and the update.

What they asked for this week

One basics skill

Car seat

The right seat, installed so it does not move.

Open the car seat card

The list

The list. Then the stretches.

Not a score. Not a medical or legal plan.

  1. 01Know the entrance, the floor, and who is allowed in the room.
  2. 02Charge the phone. Put the charger in the bag. Name one person who gets the update.
  3. 03Write your questions before you are tired. Ask them. Write the answers down.
  4. 04Pack food and water for you, so you are not another person to take care of.
  5. 05If a choice is medical, it belongs to the birth clinician, then the baby’s clinician.
  6. 06Have one person outside the room for the scared part. Do not hand that job to the person in the bed.

Stretches

Work the stretch you are in.

Each move is something you do. The line under it is why.

01

The calm hours

Before you roll

Save the route, the bag, and the call order while you can still think.

  1. Drive the route and one backup. Save both in the phone.A closed road should not be the decision.
  2. Write the call order: who, then who, then who.A group text wakes the wrong people and still misses the right one.
  3. Put the bag by the door on a calm day. Check it once.The night is a bad time to hunt for a charger.
  4. Ask the birth place what a support person is allowed to do.Their rules are the rules. Guessing them at 2 a.m. is a bad plan.

02

After the birth

The first 72 hours

Shrink the world to shifts, names, and quiet.

  1. Pick a visitor rule and say it once. You enforce it.The person who just gave birth should not have to host.
  2. Trade sleep in blocks. Write whose block is whose.Heroics at hour 40 make you useless at hour 41.
  3. Write the discharge questions down and ask the clinician, not the internet.You will not remember the hallway conversation.
  4. If the day gets too loud, open the Hard-day kit, then come back.Pulling over is part of the mile. Disappearing is not.

03

Before you leave

Going home

Leave with the next appointment, not a story.

  1. Book the first visit they told you to book. Put it on the calendar before the car.The hallway promise disappears in the parking lot.
  2. Write feeding notes and warning signs in the clinician’s words.Your paraphrase will not match what they said at 4 a.m.
  3. Put food in the house for the adult who needs to rest. Eat too.A recovering person should not have to host you.
  4. Text work the date you actually have. Keep the written reply.A verbal “we’ll figure it out” is not leave.

In the room

Ask. Write the answer.

These are questions for the birth clinician and the baby’s clinician. DadLane does not know the answers.

  1. What should we watch for tonight, and who do we call?
  2. What did you say about feeding? Say it again so I can write it in your words.
  3. Which follow-ups are already set, and which are mine to schedule?
  4. What can I take off their plate for the next three days?

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Night sheet

Fill this in before you are tired.

Blank lines are jobs. The answers belong to the clinicians. You write them down.

  1. 01Birth placeWrite the name and the entrance you will actually use.Name and which entrance
  2. 02Support personTheir rules, not a guess you make in the room.What they allow you to do
  3. 03After-hours numberThe number they handed you. Not a search at 2 a.m.The one they gave you
  4. 04First pediatric visitPut it on the calendar the day you hear it.Date, time, place
  5. 05First night at homeName who is up. Hope is not a shift.Who is up, until when
  6. 06Visitor ruleOne sentence you will say at the door.The one you will enforce
  7. 07Update personOne name. A group text wakes the wrong people.One name. Not a group text.
  8. 08Food at homeAlready in the kitchen before you leave.Already there, for the adult who needs rest

DadLane does not write discharge orders. If something feels urgent, contact the clinician or emergency services.

Leave

Get the answer in writing.

Leave pay is a question for your employer. The medicine stays with the clinicians. These links are further reading, not orders.

  1. What leave can I take from here, paid and unpaid, and what dates does it cover?
  2. What has to be in writing, and by when?
  3. What happens to pay and benefits while I am out?
  4. Who is the one person who gets the update, and who does not?

U.S. Department of Labor, FMLA (opens in a new tab). Whether it covers your job is not something DadLane decides. Ask your employer.

Fatherhood.gov, For Dads (opens in a new tab). A public starting point. Not a medical plan.

HealthyChildren.org, prenatal (opens in a new tab). American Academy of Pediatrics pages for parents. Skip the comment sections.

HealthyChildren.org, baby (opens in a new tab). AAP pages for the first days home. Not a discharge order.

What to say

Short lines. Then stop talking.

Use them when your own sentence is about to get long. They are not medical, legal, or financial advice, and not a script for a clinician to follow.

Pregnancy through the first year

To your partner

When you want to help and you are about to invent a job

  1. “What would help tonight? I'll do that.”
  2. “I'm scared. I'll tell my own person.”
  3. “You sleep. I've got the next block.”

Birth

In the room

When you are about to narrate, or wave another visitor in

  1. “I'll take the door. You rest.”
  2. “Say that again. I'm writing it down.”
  3. “Visitors can wait. I'll tell them.”

Any mile with a clinician

To a nurse or clinician

When the hallway explanation is already leaving your head

  1. “Say that once more. I'm writing it down.”
  2. “What's the after-hours number, and what do we watch for?”
  3. “What do I do at home, and what needs a call first?”

Any mile with a job

To your boss

When you need leave, a changed shift, or a quiet hour after a rough night

  1. “I need leave from [date] to [date]. What can I take, in writing?”
  2. “I need the shift changed on [day]. I can cover [other day].”
  3. “I had a rough night. I need a quiet hour at the start, then I am on the job.”

All the lines

After you blow it

One sentence. Then the next ordinary job.

Say it once. Do not add the speech. If someone might get hurt, skip this card and call 988 or emergency services.

In the room

  1. “The baby needs a quieter room. The fight can wait.”
  2. “I will not tell the story of the fight over the bassinet.”

To the other adult

  1. “I raised my voice. I'm sorry.”
  2. “Tell me the next job. I'll do that one.”
  3. “I'll take the door so you can rest.”

The house

The mile sits inside a house.

Rules for this age, the week card, the fridge, the wallet, the firsts, and the helpers. Same work for both adults.

Basics

Skills that show up on this mile.

Lanes that meet this mile

Change lanes. Stay in fatherhood.

Next mile

03 · 0–1

Survive year one: sleep, shifts, and the basics of attachment.

First year is open. The job changes from the room to the shifts.

See mile 03

Best videos

Videos for birth.

Watch one. Then do the step it belongs to. These are not DadLane films.

Rear-facing seat with a seat belt

NHTSA shows the belt path, the lock, and the inch test for a rear-facing infant seat. Read your seat manual and the car manual. This video is the picture, not a certification.

USDOTNHTSA · 2:02

Watch on YouTube (opens in a new tab)

Safe sleep

CDC scientists on a safe sleep space: on the back, their own firm surface, nothing soft in it. Your baby's clinician still owns the plan for your baby.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) · 8:11

Watch on YouTube (opens in a new tab)

All best videos

Further reading · optional

Books for this mile.

After the mile. The guide stays free. These titles are reading. They are not instructions from DadLane, and they are not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Free

Further reading. Not medical, legal, or financial advice. A book or an article does not replace a clinician, a lawyer, or the official rule. Full reading list