DadLane
StartKit. Hard-day kit

Hard moments

What to say

One or two sentences. Then do the thing. These are not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Pregnancy through the first year

To your partner

When you want to help and you are about to invent a job

On the map: Pregnancy, Birth, First year.

  1. “What would help tonight? I'll do that.”
  2. “I'm scared. I'll tell my own person.”
  3. “You sleep. I've got the next block.”

First year

At the handoff

When you are about to narrate the night instead of naming the block

On the map: First year.

  1. “Your block starts now. Mine starts at [time].”
  2. “The clinician said [their words]. That's the note.”
  3. “Backup is [name]. I already texted them.”

Birth

In the room

When you are about to narrate, or wave another visitor in

On the map: Birth.

  1. “I'll take the door. You rest.”
  2. “Say that again. I'm writing it down.”
  3. “Visitors can wait. I'll tell them.”

Any mile with a clinician

To a nurse or clinician

When the hallway explanation is already leaving your head

On the map: Pregnancy, Birth, First year, Toddler, School, Teens.

  1. “Say that once more. I'm writing it down.”
  2. “What's the after-hours number, and what do we watch for?”
  3. “What do I do at home, and what needs a call first?”

School

To a teacher

When you are about to invent a second homework system

On the map: School.

  1. “What does done look like this week?”
  2. “Who do I write if something is off?”
  3. “What's my job before we meet again?”

Teens

To your teen

When your voice is about to do the arguing

On the map: Teens.

  1. “School nights, home is the time on the card. That's the sentence.”
  2. “Text me. I'll pick you up. The car stays quiet.”
  3. “I'm worried you might get hurt. I'm calling 988, and I'm staying.”

Toddler

To your toddler

When your voice is about to get big

On the map: Toddler.

  1. “The rule is one sentence. Then we do it.”
  2. “I yelled. That was mine. I'm here.”
  3. “Outside. I'll go too.”

Toddler through launch

To a co-parent

When the text is about to become a case

On the map: Toddler, School, Teens, Launch.

  1. “Pickup is [time] at [place].”
  2. “The school said [one fact]. That's the note.”
  3. “I won't ask them to carry a message.”

Any mile with a job

To your boss

When you need leave, a changed shift, or a quiet hour after a rough night

On the map: Pregnancy, Birth, First year, School, Teens, Launch.

  1. “I need leave from [date] to [date]. What can I take, in writing?”
  2. “I need the shift changed on [day]. I can cover [other day].”
  3. “I had a rough night. I need a quiet hour at the start, then I am on the job.”

Launch

To the person leaving

When the money talk is about to become a speech

On the map: Launch.

  1. “The FAFSA date I copied is [date]. I checked it [day].”
  2. “I can pay [number] this year. Or I can't. That's the whole talk.”
  3. “I'll call Sunday at [time]. You can be short.”
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