DadLane
StartKit. Hard-day kit

Mile 03 · Open

03

Next exit · 04 Toddler

First year

Survive year one: sleep, shifts, and the basics of attachment.

The first year is a shift schedule. The child’s clinician owns sleep and feeding. You own the block with your name on it: the start, the end, and who covers if you cannot finish it.

Walk this mile

Do these in order.

One step, then the next link. You do not have to finish the whole mile tonight.

  1. 01Three things tonightThe short list. Then stop adding jobs.
  2. 02The stretch you are inFind the block that matches this month. Do the moves. Read the why under each one.
  3. 03Fill the DadLane sheetWrite the night before you are in it.
  4. 04Open the resources for this mileOfficial pages and DadLane sheets. Each card has a next step.
  5. 05Watch one videoThe video linked for this mile. Then come back to the sheet.
  6. 06Next mile: ToddlerWhen this mile is in motion, open the next one. Not before.

Resources

Resources for first year.

Official pages and DadLane sheets for this mile. Open a card, then do one next step.

34 in this view

All matching resources

Start here

If you only do three things this mile

  1. 01

    Before the hard hour, write tonight's blocks with a start and a stop.

  2. 02

    Copy the clinician's plan onto the same page as the shifts. Follow that plan.

  3. 03

    Text the backup adult while you are still steady. Name the hour they would come.

Whoever is home, write both names on the shift sheet. The child does not carry messages between adults.

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Shared mission

This week's three things

Text these, or print the card. The other adult gets the same list. Not a solo performance.

  1. 01Before the hard hour, write tonight's blocks with a start and a stop.
  2. 02Copy the clinician's plan onto the same page as the shifts. Follow that plan.
  3. 03Text the backup adult while you are still steady. Name the hour they would come.
Who else has this list
Name, and how you sent it.
Day we check it
A day this week. Not someday.
Done looks like
One sentence you can both see.

Handoff card

The shift has a start and a stop.

Screenshot this and send it. The other adult gets the same card. Fill the blank before you send it.

Partner lane

Mile 03 · First year

To: The other adult

  • TonightMy block is named. Start time and stop time are on this card.
  • BackupI text them while I am still steady, not after I am past empty.
  • FactsSleep, and the clinician's words, go on the same page as the shifts.
  • The childDoes not carry a message between us. We text each other.

Backup adult

Name and number

Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

I wish someone told me

2 a.m. is not a new plan.

The hard hour will invite you to invent a feeding plan. The clinician already wrote one.

Night-shift card

  1. Follow the feeding or sleep card the clinician wrote. Do not draft a second one at 2 a.m.Two plans in one house is how the morning becomes a fight.
  2. If you are the only adult, text the backup before dinner. Name and the hour they would come.The breaking hour is a bad time to search the phone.
  3. After a night shift, one note: bedtime done, or still due. Put it where they cook.Sleep reads as absence until the other adult can see the plan.

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Week at a glance

Mile 03. This week.

First year. Three things, the note for the other adult, and one skill. Screenshot it or print it. Then stop adding jobs.

  1. 01 · This weekBefore the hard hour, write tonight's blocks with a start and a stop.
  2. 02 · This weekCopy the clinician's plan onto the same page as the shifts. Follow that plan.
  3. 03 · This weekText the backup adult while you are still steady. Name the hour they would come.

Partner note

Whoever is home, write both names on the shift sheet. The child does not carry messages between adults.

What they asked for this week

One basics skill

Car seat

The right seat, installed so it does not move.

Open the car seat card

The list

The list. Then the stretches.

Not a score. Not a medical or legal plan.

  1. 01Put the pediatric visits on the calendar. Go.
  2. 02Write the night shift before you are in it: who is up, until when.
  3. 03One safe adult who can take a block when you are past empty.
  4. 04Questions for the clinician go on a note, not into a comment thread.
  5. 05If two adults share the house, the list is shared. The baby is not the messenger.
  6. 06Know where the Hard-day kit is before you need it.

Stretches

Work the stretch you are in.

Each move is something you do. The line under it is why.

01

The ordinary nights

The shifts

Make the night a plan, not a test of character.

  1. Split the night into named blocks. Write them down.Unspoken fairness turns into a fight at 3 a.m.
  2. Protect one real sleep block for each adult in the house.A dad who has not slept is a liability, not a hero.
  3. Batch the questions. Ask the child’s clinician. Follow their plan.DadLane will not invent a feeding or sleep protocol.
  4. Text one person who is not in the house when the fear spikes.The other adult should not have to hold your panic and the baby.

02

When the sun is up

The days

Finish one job before noon: bottles, laundry, or the walk.

  1. Own one daily job end to end: bottles, laundry, the appointment, the walk.Helping a little at everything leaves the whole list on someone else.
  2. Learn the words the clinician used. Use those words at home.You cannot hand off a shift you cannot describe.
  3. Cap visitors. You say the rule.Hosting is a second shift.
  4. If development worries you, book the clinician. Do not crowdsource it.Worry is a reason to call. It is not a diagnosis you make.

03

When the plan breaks

Past empty

Hand off the block before you are unsafe.

  1. Text the backup adult before you are past empty, not after.The ask is harder once you are already gone.
  2. If anger or silence scares you, open the kit, then hand off the child.This page will not talk you through a safety problem.
  3. One ten-minute walk outside most days. Phone in a pocket.The house gets smaller if you never leave it.
  4. Put the next clinician visit on the calendar the day you hear the date.A visit that lives in a portal is a visit you will miss.

Ask the clinician

Batch the questions. Then follow their plan.

Sleep and feeding belong to the child’s clinician. Write what they say. Do not collect a second plan from the internet.

  1. What should we watch for between now and the next visit, and who do we call after hours?
  2. What did you say about sleep and feeding? Repeat it so I can copy your words.
  3. Which parts of the night are mine to follow, and which need a call first?
  4. When is the next visit, and what should I bring?

A DadLane sheet. Fill the blanks, screenshot it, or print it.

DadLane

Be the dad who shows up

A DadLane sheet. The prompts are ours. Fill the blanks in your own words. Free to print. Not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Shift sheet

Write the night before you are in it.

Sleep and feeding plans belong to the child’s clinician. This sheet is only who is up.

  1. 01Block AA start and an end. Open-ended is how nobody sleeps.Name, start, end
  2. 02Block BThe other block. Write the name before the night starts.Name, start, end
  3. 03Protected sleepA window nobody interrupts unless it is an emergency.Adult one: from, until
  4. 04Protected sleepThe same courtesy for the other adult, or the backup.Adult two, or the backup: from, until
  5. 05Backup adultText them before you need them.Name and number
  6. 06ClinicianTheir after-hours number, copied. Not remembered.Name and after-hours number
  7. 07Next visitThe date they gave you. A portal is not a calendar.Date and time

If the clinician gave feeding or sleep instructions, copy them in their words. Do not upgrade them with a blog. Further reading on this mile is reading, not a protocol.

This week

Name the blocks before the night starts.

The week is logistics. The clinical plan stays with the clinician. The links below are further reading.

  1. Which block is mine tonight, and until when?
  2. Who is the backup, and did I text them before I needed them?
  3. What did the clinician say to watch for, in their words, on the same page as the shifts?
  4. Where does the backup's number live, and did both adults see this same sheet?

HealthyChildren.org, baby (opens in a new tab). AAP pages for parents. Not a feeding protocol from DadLane.

Zero to Three, parenting (opens in a new tab). Free reading for the early years. Not instructions from this site.

Fatherhood.gov, For Dads (opens in a new tab). A public fatherhood hub. Not medical advice.

American Psychological Association, parenting (opens in a new tab). Further reading for the adult. Not a sleep or feeding plan.

What to say

Short lines. Then stop talking.

Use them when your own sentence is about to get long. They are not medical, legal, or financial advice, and not a script for a clinician to follow.

Pregnancy through the first year

To your partner

When you want to help and you are about to invent a job

  1. “What would help tonight? I'll do that.”
  2. “I'm scared. I'll tell my own person.”
  3. “You sleep. I've got the next block.”

First year

At the handoff

When you are about to narrate the night instead of naming the block

  1. “Your block starts now. Mine starts at [time].”
  2. “The clinician said [their words]. That's the note.”
  3. “Backup is [name]. I already texted them.”

Any mile with a clinician

To a nurse or clinician

When the hallway explanation is already leaving your head

  1. “Say that once more. I'm writing it down.”
  2. “What's the after-hours number, and what do we watch for?”
  3. “What do I do at home, and what needs a call first?”

Any mile with a job

To your boss

When you need leave, a changed shift, or a quiet hour after a rough night

  1. “I need leave from [date] to [date]. What can I take, in writing?”
  2. “I need the shift changed on [day]. I can cover [other day].”
  3. “I had a rough night. I need a quiet hour at the start, then I am on the job.”

All the lines

After you blow it

One sentence. Then the next ordinary job.

Say it once. Do not add the speech. If someone might get hurt, skip this card and call 988 or emergency services.

With the baby

  1. “I set them down gently. I do not explain a fight to a baby.”
  2. “If I need a minute, I say so, step out, and come back.”

To the other adult

  1. “I lost it. The next block is mine.”
  2. “I'm not keeping score of the night.”
  3. “If I leave the room, I'll say so before I disappear.”

The house

The mile sits inside a house.

Rules for this age, the week card, the fridge, the wallet, the firsts, and the helpers. Same work for both adults.

Basics

Skills that show up on this mile.

Lanes that meet this mile

Change lanes. Stay in fatherhood.

Next mile

04 · Toddler

Boundaries, energy, and play that isn’t chaos.

Toddler is open. The job becomes boundaries and repair.

See mile 04

Best videos

Videos for first year.

Watch one. Then do the step it belongs to. These are not DadLane films.

Rear-facing seat with a seat belt

NHTSA shows the belt path, the lock, and the inch test for a rear-facing infant seat. Read your seat manual and the car manual. This video is the picture, not a certification.

USDOTNHTSA · 2:02

Watch on YouTube (opens in a new tab)

How to install a forward-facing car seat

Safe Kids Worldwide on the top tether, seat belt or lower anchors (not both), and the inch test. Still short. Still both manuals.

Safe Kids Worldwide · 0:51

Watch on YouTube (opens in a new tab)

Safe sleep

CDC scientists on a safe sleep space: on the back, their own firm surface, nothing soft in it. Your baby's clinician still owns the plan for your baby.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) · 8:11

Watch on YouTube (opens in a new tab)

All best videos

Further reading · optional

Books for this mile.

After the mile. The guide stays free. These titles are reading. They are not instructions from DadLane, and they are not medical, legal, or financial advice.

Free

Further reading. Not medical, legal, or financial advice. A book or an article does not replace a clinician, a lawyer, or the official rule. Full reading list